I mentioned a few weeks ago that I joined an online training and grief support group called, Tender Hearts, run by grief author and expert, David Kessler. I wasn’t sure what to expect or if I would stay beyond the 1st month. It has been extremely helpful. Grieving yes and I probably always will, but I am working though some problem areas and gaining a better perspective on grief.
One huge problem for me is all the “what if/if only” thoughts. If only we had taken him sooner to the Dr. What if we had relocated by MD Anderson sooner. What if they had amputated his bad leg. The list is long and causes me great pain wondering if we did all we could for Robbie.
Today’s training video was on what if/if only. He said people should consider looking at their list of “what ifs” scientifically. Can each one be repeated anywhere else, because all experiments have to be able to be repeated with the same outcome. One of his examples was a woman that was upset she had gone to lunch with a friend and during her lunch her husband was killed in a car accident. She felt if she hadn’t gone to lunch and had been with him, he would be alive. He talked her though the fact that people go to lunch everyday and no one dies. Going to lunch didn’t kill him. Then he talked her through the car accident and said that people do die from car accidents and even if she hadn’t gone to lunch, car accidents still happen. He went on with a number of examples for different situations.
I think he would say to me that bone cancer is a horrible cancer that kills children every year, even people that went to the Dr right away or live near a major cancer center have lost their children to bone cancer.
I am trying to process this and consider looking at the “what if/if only” in a different way.
I decided to add a link to Tender Hearts with David Kessler, incase anyone wants to check it out. https://www.davidkesslertraining.com/tenderhearts.com