With Robbie’s cancer, we had the unusual situation of spending more time together then you normally would with a child in their early 20’s. In my quest to keep Robbie’s mind off his treatment, we went on multiple museum trips, parks, and zoo trips together. We also realized we had a lot in common. We both like quiet spots, book stores, warped sense of humor, museums, outdoors, and photography. His easy going personality made it easy to spend time together. I didn’t have to worry about him becoming angry because we took a wrong turn or our plans changed or something happened out of my control. He treated everyone he knew with kindness. He liked to make people smile and he often found humor everywhere he went.

I grieve the loss of my son and also all the recent time we were spending together. It is a major void that can’t be filled. It isn’t just the activities, but the way we both looked at the world while doing things together. The laughter on the way to our destination. I always thought he was more like my husband, but in spending time with him as an adult, I realized that we were more alike and think very similar. We also shared high anxiety and sensory sensitivity. We like people, but not crowds. We liked quiet places. We used to be similar in our limited food choices, but after he had chemo, he couldn’t taste food unless it was spicy. He also developed a love for different flavored tea.

It is crazy that cancer gave us this amazing gift of time together, yet cancer also took away everything. The gift that can’t be taken away is all the memories.