I am finding it harder as the days go by. Missing our sweet boy! Dragging myself to teach each day is so difficult. It takes so much energy to pretend to be fine. I am quick to anger over minor things. When someone makes an unexpected request, I wonder how they can’t see that I am already drowning.
Then I think of a friend from Oklahoma and how we used to joke that we have to “keep swimming” when things get crazy. I want to go back to those days with my friends that I trust, a job I enjoyed, and my sweet son.
It sounds like I don’t like my current job, which isn’t true. It is challenging to be at a new school, new state, new rules, and most of the teachers are the age of my girls…even if this had been a normal year. With the sadness of the year, it is overwhelming.
Keep Swimming!
Sloths Cure Cancer 
Maybe we need to figure out what kind of water wings we could send you. And please, you never have to act like you are fine. If people ask “how are you doing” be honest… “im sad, Im grieving, im trying my best, im waiting for the numbness to lesson…those are some of my ideas
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Thanks Mindy
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My heart are prayers are with you. Are you aware that MDAnderson has grief support: including counseling by phone or in person and support groups? It is free. I don’t know if this is for you, but it is a resource that might be. https://www.mdanderson.org/patients-family/supporting-a-loved-one/dealing-with-loss.html
About halfway down the page, just above the wide blue line there are links.
You do not have to pretend to be “fine”.
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Thank you for the information.
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People who haven’t suffered a loss as great as you have can’t understand… and no one has experienced your loss (even if they’ve lost a child). And the people who say they understand how you feel are (usually) the ones who don’t understand at all. People say stupid things to people who are grieving. And they don’t realize they are saying stupid things. And they don’t realize you are still drowning. And that it’s totally understandable that you are still drowning. So like you and your friend used to say, just keep swimming. And know your family and friends will throw you a life preserver… Just keep swimming.
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Thank you for all your support. ❤
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